Well - I thought I knew - I just had to pull myself together. I have been suffering from clinical depression for some time now - I knew it was getting worse, but just thought that was par for the course - I would get worse before getting better. So I would not give in. I thought I was strong and reliable - this is not for me, so I kept on and on, working harder and doing more and more. I also caught every bug going as well, which of course made things even worse. My life seemed to be full of loss; sleep, appetite, energy and enthusiasm, concentration out the door, confidence, self-esteem, drive, enjoyment, patience, feelings, optimism, and almost anything else you can imagine - everything just went. At it's worst, it is a glimpse of hell, which I would never wish on anybody. Somebody said to me if you put 18 amps through a 13 amp fuse, there is only one possible result - the fuse breaks. I broke.
In the end my husband dragged me to the doctor because I could no longer function, and could barely get out of bed for the bathroom, or get to work. As a result of all this, and following a long tearful conversation with a consultant, I have spent five weeks in a lovely hospital, which was covered by my health insurance, and the care I received was second to none.
I am now at home, some days are really rotten, some are good, and I know that the rotten days will eventually be outweighed by the good days, but I am on the road to what is going to be long haul to recovery.
I make no apologies for publishing this - one never knows what is around the corner. I hope I will be stronger and have learnt that I cannot be everything to everybody.
So I plan to get back to my crafting, get some Christmas cards under my belt, and learn to relax, and take life a little slower for a while.