Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Depression - What is it?

Well - I thought I knew - I just had to pull myself together. I have been suffering from clinical depression for some time now - I knew it was getting worse, but just thought that was par for the course - I would get worse before getting better. So I would not give in. I thought I was strong and reliable - this is not for me, so I kept on and on, working harder and doing more and more. I also caught every bug going as well, which of course made things even worse. My life seemed to be full of loss; sleep, appetite, energy and enthusiasm, concentration out the door, confidence, self-esteem, drive, enjoyment, patience, feelings, optimism, and almost anything else you can imagine - everything just went. At it's worst, it is a glimpse of hell, which I would never wish on anybody. Somebody said to me if you put 18 amps through a 13 amp fuse, there is only one possible result - the fuse breaks. I broke.

In the end my husband dragged me to the doctor because I could no longer function, and could barely get out of bed for the bathroom, or get to work. As a result of all this, and following a long tearful conversation with a consultant, I have spent five weeks in a lovely hospital, which was covered by my health insurance, and the care I received was second to none.

I am now at home, some days are really rotten, some are good, and I know that the rotten days will eventually be outweighed by the good days, but I am on the road to what is going to be long haul to recovery.

I make no apologies for publishing this - one never knows what is around the corner. I hope I will be stronger and have learnt that I cannot be everything to everybody.

So I plan to get back to my crafting, get some Christmas cards under my belt, and learn to relax, and take life a little slower for a while.

Best wishes,

12 comments:

  1. Oh, Val, you poor thing. I'm glad you posted what is going on, it is time we all got over this taboo about depression and other things that don't have a visible symptom. You've got a hobby and lots of crafting friends and I hope this will be a big help.

    Hugs
    Anne

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  2. Ohh Val - so sorry to hear this - I did wonder where you were.
    Big hugs from me hun.
    SuzyX

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  3. Sending you lots of love Val. Take things easy and let your crafting help you through.
    Thinking about you.

    Lisax

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  4. Oh Val, I'm so sorry to hear that you have been so poorly, I know just where you are coming from, I too suffer from depression. The main thing is that you have reckonised it and are being treated now, that is the biggest hurdle. It will take time but you will start to feel better soon. And remember, we have to look after ourselves first, our health is precious to us. Take care and try and enjoy your card making again as your work is fantastic, never doubt that!! Hugs Jo x

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  5. Awww Val i am so sorry to hear you have been unwell,please stay strong and healthy you have got your card-making and all of us crafters have missed you hugs xx jo xx

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  6. Oh, #&*! didn't realise you missed the Graphicus retreat as well, what a shame. Still, there is next year to look forward to Val

    Hugs
    Anne

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  7. Oh, Val, I'm so sorry to hear you've been suffering so much. Wishing you a speedy and complete recovery, and don't worry about the wedding stationery CD you requested. You have bigger fish to fry right now! Just relax and get better.

    Hugs,
    Chris xx

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  8. At last I can get onto your blog Val. I've been trying ever since you did this post but every time I clicked on you your blog flashed up briefly and then disappeared. I'm so glad I can get on now especially as I now know you need your crafting buddies.

    Keep your chin up Love, we're all here if you need a shoulder or a listening ear or anything else. Enjoy making your Christmas cards. There's still time, I hope, as I've only just started mine.

    Sorry to hear you missed the Retreat. Perhaps you'll be able to go on the next one which is when I'm hoping to go.

    Thanks for your lovely comment tonight on my post.

    Sending lots of hugs
    Lesley Xx

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  9. Hi Val

    I wondered where you were. Just sorry I didn't realise what you were going through.

    Well done you - and well done your husband for getting the wheels in motion to get back on track. It is hard work but you will get there.

    Things WILL get better, but you cannot rush these them. I think you have, however, already found the answer to it all .. .. .. .. don't try to be everything to everyone.

    Take each day as it comes and do something every day that you enjoy and that is "just for you" - no matter how small.

    I hope that Christmas will be a happy time for you and that the new year is kinder to you than this one has been.

    Take care.

    Love Jules xx

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  10. My goodness, you poor thing. Well done for talking about it- it's a sign of strength on your part that you can be open & honest about how you've been feeling. I am very glad that you have a supportive husband. It's a truly cruel illness and you need help from your loved ones to get through it. I hope you continue to improve and that you can have a happy & peaceful Christmas. Keep posting if you can- there are many of us out here who are wishing you well and will help with kind words if we can. All the very best.

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  11. Oh Val my heart goes out to you. It is so wonderful that you have the support of your husband and you were able to get help. I wish you lots more positive days and your biggest step was to accept help. Sounds like you are doing a great job on your road to recovery.
    Take care.
    hugs
    kim x

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  12. Hi Val
    I was so sorry to read how ill you've been, well done for being brave and sharing your experiences. It is a real shame you missed the retreat, but there will be more when you feel ready. I hope you Christmas celebrations are going well - sending you lots of love and hoping we do manage to meet up before too long.

    Elaine xx

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Thank you soooo much for all the wonderful comments you leave on my Blog. I appreciate each and every one....and for you taking the time to do so....I will try to get over to your Blog too.
Love and big hugs
Val xx

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